December 28, 2006
Posted by Sam Jackson
Getting into college is like winning the Cold War
Getting into college is just like winning the cold war. You're excited, everyone congratulates you and you feel like you've done something really great. You feel good about yourself.
The only problem is that afterwards you don't know what to do with yourself. It's not the free time that poses an issue, though for some that create serious trouble. Rather--and especially so with high-achieving students--it's the sudden absence of that unseen motivation, that invisible and suppressed whispering that tainted every action: college admissions pressures. Unlike the military-industrial complex, this long-time stressor doesn't have lobbyists to keep it alive after its purpose is fulfilled.
And so when that stress evaporates, there is a 'vacuum' of motivation in its place. This can manifest itself as a senior slump, or it can be more profound--if admission to one's dream college is the 'goal' for a high-achieving high school student, what is there afterwards? Personally I can't get myself all worked up about a future career in investment banking, so I'm not sure what I might be working 'towards.' Happiness is a good answer, but something a little more tangible than happiness / scholarly enrichment would be great. College admissions served that role for a long time for a great many people and I think it will be some time before the internal adjustment can be made out of that 'mode' and longer still until a good healthy motivation can completely take over.
Now, personally, I never did anything for 'college suck.' I didn't join extracurriculars 'just because,' I didn't sign up for courses I didn't want to take. I focused on learning and hoped the rest would work out. Happily, it did. I took the most difficult courses I could because I wanted to learn more, and schools appreciated that.
What then is the difference to me?
Grades come out sometime later today (the 28th) and I'm confident that I'll do pretty well. I never had to worry about doing too poorly, I've just always had high standards. These high standards were sometimes impossibly unrealistic so I would set myself up for disappointment. Regardless, any time I did well I would always have to ask myself if I had done 'well enough.' Even when my grades were 'good enough' for me, I had to wonder if they would they be 'good enough' for my future college of choice. This stress tainted a lot of my time, and I know it stole the fun away from classes for many of my peers. It was very distressing if ever I was given the choice between working for a grade and working for self-improvement, since ideals aside these were not always the same efforts.
In any event, that stress is gone now, and any work I do is purely for my own enrichment. I have only one term left of school, then a term of internship, then graduation. This kind of freedom, this unburdening, is wonderful.
I'm currently a rising senior at Yale University and I've been blogging about college admissions and higher education marketing trends since I began my college application process in 2005. I now also write about my experience here at Yale.
6 Comments
December 28, 2006
Congrads about Yale, Sam, I'll see you in a few days.
While I am not in college yet (I'm applying to Skidmore or Vassar ED2, I still need to decide), I just want to say that I enjoyed a stress-free time at Exeter because I knew from the start of my freshman year that I didn't want to go to a Yale, Brown, or Harvard. I truly feel bad for some kids (not you, you didn’t sell your soul to the GPA/Ivy League gods) that really missed out on the whole Exeter experience sitting in their rooms writing papers. (I’m talking about some of those four-years on the ECL list). Too bad, four years of their life down the drain.
But I’m not in yet, so maybe I could have learned something from those kids, we’ll see…
And speaking of ECL, I was in a particularly high-powered English class last year with two of the ECL kids (the class was smart all around); it was obvious that they worked their respective butts off, but one of them was a complete idiot in class. He probably received an A because he could write fairly well (but he was not exceptional by even the standards of the class), but his comments were not intelligent nor constructive, and they always disrupted the flow of the class. He induced more awkward silences than anyone I had ever been in class with…he was a very poor Harkness student in general. The Exeter teachers preach class participation, and in English class 90% of your work consists of reading to prepare for discussions. Yet I would have given this kid a D for his participation, and unless he wrote a novel for each paper assignment I wouldn’t have given him higher than a B for the term.
On a happier note, I am currently enjoying Billy Joel’s album, “An Innocent Man”, and before that I enjoyed “Countdown to Ecstasy” by The Greatest Band of All Time, Steely Dan.
January 1, 2007
I'll start off with a "Huzzah for Yale" too. Congrats on getting in.
Now I'm an on-the-fence prospective Yalie. Of course, I'm also a Stanford hopeful (Asian, Californian - does 2 2=4?). As a result, I have set myself some high standards.
Reading your post, though, bothers me - it's not you, it's just the post.
It makes me question myself. Have I really chosen my path? Have I chosen to "enlighten" myself? Have I chosen my classes and extracurriculars to better myself? Have I molded my high school career into the perfect stepping stone towards college and a better life than the ones my parents left in Vietnam? Are the 4 AP classes I'm taking the source of my stress? Is being on the publications staff the source of my stress?
Or do I just live in a society where it's been burned into me that the only way to live is to take 8 AP classes? Do I live in a society where it's wrong to not study every night until well past midnight? Did society mold my high school career? Did I choose my path? Did I choose to "enlighten" myself?
The musings of a junior - I apologize, but your post nagged me.
Have fun at Yale.
January 1, 2007
Jen, I'm... glad it nagged you? Don't second guess yourself too much, though. It's great that you're self-aware enough to be asking yourself these questions.
I am really worried when I look at the juniors behind me, who will be starting their process in just a few weeks... (http://www.samjackson.org/college/2006/01/15/more-about-me/ )
Looking farther behind them my sister will be applying to schools in a few years, too. I believe in learning for the sake of learning and all these pressures can get in the way of that, even if we try to pretend otherwise. It's really, really unfortunate.
The important thing is to stay honest to yourself. If you compromise who you are, who you want to be, and what you do for the sake of others it can only end in regret!
Now, reading about college admissions within the first two hours of the new year... give yourself a bit of a break, Jen! You'll have to pace yourself for the months ahead, anyways. Keep it real.
January 1, 2007
You'll have to pardon me for not going out and partying to ring in the new year. The Collegeboard people changed the AP Comp test, so I actually spent last night musing over what to do about the synthesis prompt. Your blog, along with the Yale Rumpus, provided the perfect distraction.
As long as you're thinking about your sister, I'll share with you an insight into my little brother. If you ask him what he'd like to do with his life, he'll tell you that he wants to be an engineer (oh, if you could see the masterpieces he's done with Lego's). If you ask him where he'd like to go to college, he'll tell that he wants to go to Stanford.
The kicker? He's eight years old.
January 2, 2007
Well, you don't have to go out and party... staying in and relaxing is just different going staying in and freaking about tests and college. O.o
Glad I could provide a distraction for you.
I think when I was 8 I might have had a good idea of what I wanted to do with my life and where I wanted to go. Thankfully both of those got fuzzier as I grew up. I used to say that I wanted to be an architect (a long while back) and I was hugely into Legos, too. My friends and I had a fun afternoon this summer playing with all the Legos, actually... timeless fun.
January 18, 2007
If you are trying to get money for college, there’s a new “ethics essay” contest that Junior Achievement is doing for a $5K scholarship. Here’s more info if you are interested http://studentcenter.ja.org/aspx/LearnEthics/ethics_essay_rules.aspx.
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